We've had a lot of wind around here lately, and this morning, many an idyllic lawn scene looked like it had been the site of a sniper shooting. I posted on my Facebook page:
"RESOLVED: If you feel so moved as to put a winter or Christmas scene on your front lawn, you should also be responsible for righting any fallen characters the dawn after a windstorm. A fallen Frosty is sad, but an entire Nativity scene full of prone bodies...that's just creepy."
I got some funny responses, including a friend who noted that, "That was a Necrotivity: The birth of Zombie Jesus," and another who pointed out that yellow crime scene tape would add that certain je ne sais quoi.
It makes me remember one of my favorite mom stories: A few years ago, visiting my mom and driving around the neighborhood and seeing some of those lighted deer that had been knocked down. They just looked so pathetic, stiff limbs jutting straight out. I joked about them being shot, and mom insisted that no, it looked more like some larger predators had come through. "Like pumas."
"Pumas, mom? In the suburbs?"
"Lawn pumas."
"Ah."
Later we drove past an apartment complex that had a nativity scene set up in the courtyard. Mary was there, but Joseph was face-down in the straw, the Wise Men were scattered, and the Baby Jesus...well, the Holy Child was missing.
My mom sighed knowingly and shook her head with regret. "Lawn pumas."
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(I'll forgive your redundancies if you forgive mine..)
ReplyDeleteI'll let Falling explain more, but we were often plagued by lawn sharks as children, and our mother also liked to reassure us that roadkill was "no, just sleeping" in a soothing voice . . .
Dude, I'm going hunting for lawn Pumas tonight. This has been the single best fake story I've ever had the priveledge of snowing my kids with. Just ten minutes ago, one went out to the mailbox as I screamed after her "mind the lawn pumas!"
ReplyDeleteLOL! Lawn Pumas! Now that's funny! And even funnier than seeing Christmas decor laying prone in the yard? Those giant inflatable Christmas decorations (like snowmen and Santas) that have been deflated (by the jagged teeth of the lawn pumas, I'm sure) and left all alone and forlorn in their misery.... gets me every time!
ReplyDeleteBenevola--Hee. I remember the "just sleeping," but I can't remember the lawn sharks. Perhaps I was traumatized?
ReplyDeleteDufmanno--I think lawn pumas only come out at night. But do tell your kids not to stand still while wearing festive holiday outfits. The pumas love that.
Jen--YES! Deflated snowmen are ridiculously sad and funny.
I'm totally blaming the tricycle and sidewalk chalk carnage perpetually in our yard on lawn pumas.
ReplyDeleteAnd your friend with the necrotivity quip? Genius.
I must admit those with extensive outdoor holiday displays creep me out. Pay big bucks, set up, allow to weather, put away, repeat next year. So many wasted hours. Maybe a new, windproof hobby?
Lawn Puma. So much safer than Backyard Cougars.
ReplyDeleteNaptime--And here I thought lawn pumas were a seasonal problem. What's sad is that once they sample a tricycle, they develop a taste for them. Then they have to be put down before parade season.
ReplyDeleteSubWOW--Unless you mean the Courteney Cox kind of cougar...