Friday, April 29, 2011

Because it Can't all Be Wise 'n' Shit

First, I'm so amazed and gratified that you're still out there. I gave serious consideration to just slinking away in shame and never coming back.

But if I did? Then I wouldn't be able to share ridiculous stereotypical mommyblogger moments with you. I do beg your pardon, and appreciate your willingness to pretend that no-one else has ever waxed rhapsodic about potty training.

So, Tankboy has shown some interest in toilet training, and we got a little plastic potty to offer as an option. He's only used it once (during an evening when we had dinner guests, who were very gracious about the fact that their hostess was getting weepy over 30 ccs of baby pee), until the last 24 hours. He tells me "baby pee" or "baby hah doh pah-ee" and then insists that "mama doh 'way" so that I will "yeave yone" (oh yes, for a future date, let's discuss Teeny Speech Therapy). He gently ushers me to the door, pausing only to ask for a pile of books. And if I peek in to check on him, there he sits, naked from the waist down, reading. "Honey? How're you doing in here?" Smile. "Duhd." "OK, then..."

But yesterday I heard the clunk of the toilet seat and went in to find him attempting to empty his little potty into the large bowl. He's only two, so this meant that most of my bathroom was dripping with pee. But that's nothing compared to...

This afternoon, when I came in to find him scaling the toilet to reach the kleenex, the better to wipe himself with. Because he had pooped. Riiiiiight next to the potty. Originally, that is. He had...traveled a bit.

Or this morning, when I opened the door to find him perched on his little seat, holding a (wrapped, thankfully) tampon and carefully considering his nethers. I stopped him, but I'm kind of wondering what his next step would have been.


  1. Laughing my maternal ass off.
    Have you read Once Upon a Potty? That dude pees and poops next to the potty, too. And the helping pour thing is classic and adorable (and don't tell him this, but also really gross).
    Really good signs. It'll happen soon. Until then, keep telling us. Please!

  2. Is it too late to change my mind?

  3. Naptime--Oh, yes, Once Upon a Potty and its sister novella, The Holes in Our Nose. I'm familiar. Also, I'm not averse to telling Tankboy that it's really gross to pour pee all over my bathroom. I may be a hippie attachment parent, but I draw the line there.

    Elly Lou--Yes. But don't worry...just make sure to check the "toilet trained" box on your order form (it should be just under "sleeps...fucking EVER"). I forgot to do so, and clearly am paying for it.