I Am Full of Good Ideas

So, two weeks after Tankbaby's birthday, we have been blessed with gifts from generous friends and family. And I do mean generous, because we specifically said "no gifts" and people gave them anyway. Because my son is a preciousangelbabystraightfromheaven. Also, possibly, because he's big enough to mess you up if you displease him.

Anyway, after living with these toys for a few weeks, I have come up with some new legislation that I believe needs to be passed (hey, they finally came to an agreement about health care, how hard can it be to get a bill passed these days, right?). I'm calling it the Why Do You Hate Me Bill, and it would be effective immediately. The bill would require if you are considering the purchase of any noise-making toy for a young child (other than your own), you must first spend three days locked in a room with said toy and a trained parrot. The parrot would push the button(s) over and over and over and over and over and over and over (get the idea?) again, while whatever insipid little tune sung by some lispy woman, or creepy animal sound effects, or trademarked character's overplayed catchphrase bleated out, echoing off the walls of the cell and burrowing into your skull. If you tried to stop the parrot, he would shriek madly and attempt to peck out your eyes (while also somehow insinuating that you don't love him enough). If you survive the three days without bludgeoning yourself or the bird, then bring on the gift wrap. Otherwise, can I interest you in a nice, quiet picture book?

Sigh. I am an ungrateful wretch. Wait, that's not true. I am a grateful wretch who is overwhelmed by the generosity of people. I just like my generosity quiet, is all (the exception being for generosity that comes in the form of clinking gold doubloons).

So that's my first idea. Who's with me?

This leads to my second idea, which came to me as I was trying to describe a particular toy. It's a stacking ring that lights up and plays music, and it's actually a nice example of a non-madness-inducing toy, in that it is a) quiet, and b) plays actual recognizable tunes. I was going to list these tunes, but I don't know the names of most of them. I could hum them, though. And that's when I came up with the idea of an interactive website (tentatively called www.itgoeslikethis.com) where you use some kind of microphone to hum or sing part of a song, and the database looks it up for you. Think of the possibilities! All of the bets it could settle! It could also be used to reduce earworming, because you know that a song is ten times more likely to get stuck in your head if you only know the chorus. Listen to the whole thing, and voila! It disappears.

I have no idea how something like this would work, but I think I could sell it to someone, don't you?

Senators or potential investors, you know where to find me.