If you toss and turn all night and wake up five times in seven hours and do that baby-dinosaur cry with your eyes shut as you persist in trying to crawl into the wall or fling yourself over an arm or smother yourself in a pillow, resisting all attempts to soothe or cradle you, while you seem to settle long enough for one to juuuuust drift back to sleep only to be awakened five minutes later by your mewling for NO GOOD REASON THAT CAN BE DISCERNED and then you fling your small-but-solid arm directly into the nose of those who would comfort you...
...Mama's going to eat the last of your birthday cake for breakfast. Guarangoddamnteed.
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Admit it: you were going to do it anyway even if Tankbaby slept like an angel. And actually, if he ever did, you'd be like, OMG. Who stole my baby and who ARE YOU?!
ReplyDelete;-)
{{{hugs}}}
Sleep is overrated anyway. The circles under your eyes only make your eyes stand out more.
BAWHAHAHAHA. TAKE THAT ELLY! I am here first!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm going to go ahead and thank my lucky stars that my waking up fourteen times a night era is over.
ReplyDeleteI remember very little of those dark days that had me crawling around during inhuman hours lifting tots from cribs and beds and willing them to sleep with the very weak power of my mind.
I will say that after #1 I thought lack of sleep would surely result in my death but after #3 I was like a seasoned pro.
Sleep shmeep, I needed no such thing.
Now I'm back to my old self and I can actually snooze until noon if someone lets me, except other parents think I'm lazy and selfish so I try not to do that too much.
Ah, I remember the days. Cake for brekkie sounds great--I might have opted for a Bloody Mary after a night like that!
ReplyDeleteThis is exactly why I quit letting my kids sleep in bed with me. Both of them rolled all over the place.
ReplyDeleteOf course I waited till they were prob 4 & 8 years old. We have a king size bed. Plenty of room for everyone.
Hahaha. Yes! I am with you on the sleep deprivation. My 3-month-old is by no means sleeping through the night. My older son slept through the night at 5 weeks. I am getting the beating I didn't get the first time right now.
ReplyDeleteSummabitch. I'm so tardy. Plus now I'm crabby 'cause I don't have any cake to eat for breakfast. *shakes fist at the heavens...then at SubWOW for good measure*
ReplyDeleteSubWOW--you know it. That cake was mine. Also, it should be noted that it's my own fault. Just that morning I had been talking about how long it had been since he'd had a really awful night. Bam. Hi, hubris.
ReplyDeleteDufmanno--I find you neither lazy nor selfish to sleep until noon. You're living my (pathetic) dream, man.
TKW--it was an excellent cake. (Also, note to self: start using "brekkie.")
Soccermom--I know, I know, but most of the time I looooove co-sleeping. All cuddled up with my boy...it's just that when it's bad, it's horrid.
Fie--5 weeks?! 5 weeks?! Well, no wonder you had a second child.
Elly--next time you better have a late pass.
teething.
ReplyDeletethat was the only excuse that let me have any sympathy for mine, three years worth. And he finished all teeth at 18 months, so lying to myself was clearly a symptom of sleep deprivation...
Naptime--All the more reason he shouldn't have cake. Cake is for people with teeth all present and accounted for, am I right?
ReplyDelete