Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Not Pictured: Gun Rack, Tiny Flaccid Penis

I was stuck behind a truck today in traffic. This truck was plastered with many bumper stickers, the messages of which were so...remarkable that I called my own voicemail at work and read them off, just so that I could later relay them to you:


Ass, Gas, or Grass...No-one Rides for Free

With Beer, Deer, and Pickup Trucks, Who Needs Women?

Tickle This, Elmo! (accompanied by a truly foul little drawing)

www.offmyass.com

Brakes are for Pussies



I gave the driver my number. I sure hope he calls.

8 comments:

  1. Lol! The best part is you accurate title! :) He probably gets LOTS of women, so it may be a while before he calls, I'm guessing.

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  2. Tickle this, Elmo? Nasty! How lovely to send that message to every Sesame Street loving child on the highway!

    The title of this post made me laugh out loud.

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  3. I would NEVER put bumper stickers on my car, but I sooooooo l o v e to read them on other peoples cars.

    I really like the "Ass, Gas, or Grass...No-one Rides for Free"

    That just might be my new saying.

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  4. OMG! Those bumper stickers are TOTALLY what the people around here would put on their cars. Eeek!
    -Jen

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  5. When he calls you (and of course he will), can you call me so we can double-team his fine ass? I'll bring the vaseline. And hallucinogenics.

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  6. Ew. Where the hell does this guy live...Alabama in 1978?

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  7. Wow. Just... wow.

    I guess I can't REALLY talk, though. When I was in college (at a tiny, all-female Catholic school), I had a bumper sticker on my car that said, "Life is a banquet, so eat me!" The nuns loved that! Someone (not sure who) tried to removed it from my car. What happened to the car? One summer, it caught on fire and was totaled. The nuns, I'm sure, were pleased. :)

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