Bedtime for Bonzo

I put Tankbaby (Tanktot? Tanktoddler? Tankkid? Chuck?) to bed a while ago. He nursed, as usual, but more often lately, he doesn't nurse to sleep; I generally call a halt to it at some point and just tell him it's time to go to sleep. Sometimes he protests, but tonight he just kissed me and laid his head down on the pillow. A soft sigh, and he dolphin-flopped his little body over so that he was facing away from me, knees bent and feet tucked against my thighs, hard little skull wedged in under my chin. I kissed the back of his head and put a hand on his shoulder, pulling up the monkey quilt a little more snugly. Behind his back, I pulled out my phone so that I could read a little bit (I am trying to catch up on all the blogs I've abandoned these past months) and try to avoid falling asleep, as I almost always do.

After a few minutes, he turned back to face me and flung one little arm over my shoulder, a chubby hot hand on my face, right where my jaw meets my neck. His eyes were closed, his chin raised slightly, and I thought surely he was asleep. But then he opened his eyes (so I quickly shut mine to model "see, now is the time when we sleep"--and this, dear friends, is how I so often am awakened by MOTH saying, "It's 10:30, did you still need to blog/make lunch/shower?"), still breathing quietly, evenly. I peered at him through my lashes and watched him look quietly around, finally fixing his gaze on me. Fully aware that this could be where I derailed the whole thing, I couldn't resist opening my eyes and gazing back at him. We lay there, in the glow of the nightlight, blinking at each other from a distance of a few inches, my body curled around his, his hand still resting heavily on my face as if to mark his place. Finally, his eyes drifted shut and stayed shut. I was feeling dozy, and I knew I should get up before I actually dropped off, but I couldn't make myself move. The warmth, the breathing, the sweet little face that still looks babyish while the rest of him looks like a little boy...I was literally captivated. I cannot believe how much I love this wild, weird, confounding creature.



One of you remind me of this at 5 AM tomorrow morning, when Milk Negotiations are in full swing and I threaten to dip him in batter and deep-fry him.