Some Like it Not At All Hot, Not Even a Little Bit

You know how you'll be driving in your car and see a neighbor and wave, but you'll only mouth "hi" because they can't hear you from behind the windows anyway? Well, I did that today to my neighbor and looked at me a little funny. Possibly because I was riding a bike at the time.

To be fair, I'm pretty sure I was suffering from head trauma at the time. I put Tankbaby in the trailer and rode to the optometrist for a quick glasses adjustment. Someone around here, and I won't say who, thought that maybe Mama's glasses were silly putty and twisted them so that they would sit on my face like a cartoon "after"picture when a safe is dropped on someone. While keeping Tankbaby from eating the jar of decorative potpourri resting on a window ledge, I stood up with great intent, right into the glass-topped podium nearby. Luckily, none of the $300 frames were damaged. The skin smack in the middle of my forehead was not so lucky. Good thing I had Tankbaby with me all day to poke me right in the third eye there and crow sadly, "ow," like a miniature E.T.

So! Elly, in her infinite wisdom, has given me "curry paste" to work with today. Not that I'm complaining, oh no, because when she gets bored of this game, I'm gonna have to come up with something to write all by my lonesome. What you should know, however, is that I am very cautious about anything involving the word "curry." My palate is quite infantile when it comes to anything even remotely spicy. I have to modify almost all of Kitchen Witch's recipes in order to not sweat just reading them.

In case you think I'm exaggerating, I offer this illustrative story: MOTH and I were out with some friends, having Thai food. The other four adults at the table ordered dishes to share, with varying levels of spiciness. When the server turned to me, I ordered my usual: Pad Se Eew with chicken, no spiciness whatsoever. The waitress raised a questioning eyebrow and repeated my order. My friend E leaned over and said, "She can't handle it. She needs, like, baby food." When the food arrived, the waitress passed out the dishes: "Chicken cashew, medium hot," "Mussaman curry, hot," and, when she placed my plate in front of me: "And...for the baby..."

So, I basically avoid any curry paste that I didn't assemble myself. I actually enjoy curry powder, tumeric, etc. It's just the chili aspect that sets me back (and here is where I lose 95% of the world, when you all shout, "But that's what MAKES it curry!"). I like Thai food and Indian food, but only familiar dishes at trusted restaurants. That being said, MOTH and I have been experimenting with Indian cuisine at home, removing all the heat for the basic prep, and then MOTH grabs his Sriracha later.

Now, I know that some of us have very...particular feelings about Rachel Ray, but if you can overlook the chirpiness, the strange second-face syndrome (seriously...has anyone but me noticed that she had surgery or something? She has a totally different face than she had five or six years ago), and--most egregious to me--the marketing of her own particular "EVOO," this is a quick, yummy recipe with a lot of flavor. And no heat. Unless you add it later, you sadist.

Curry Crunch Salad

1 cup plain Greek-style yogurt
juice of one lemon
2 tbsp curry powder (for this and the following three spices, I used what you might call "heaping" or "rounded" spoonfuls--see, I like spices!! Just not spicy.)
1 tbsp honey
1 tsp tumeric
1 tsp ground cardamom
ground cinnamon, for sprinkling
3 tbsp extra-virgin olive oil (I refuse to abbreviate this, just on principle)
salt & pepper
3 cups poached chicken or skinned rotisserie chicken
1 cup red or black seedless grapes, halved (or quartered, if you're sharing with a toddler)
4 scallions, thinly sliced on an angle
1/4 cup slivered almonds, toasted

Dig this: two steps!
1) Combine the first six ingredients in a bowl; sprinkle with cinnamon, whisk in olive oil, and season with salt and pepper.
2) Add the rest of the ingredients and toss to coat.

Easy peasy, right? Serve it with warm naan and you will, I promise, exclaim out loud.

(I feel a little bit like I'm cheating by responding to "curry paste" with a recipe, not to mention being a poor imitation of our Kitchy, but it's almost midnight, so I'm going to learn to live with disappointment.)