These Are Not the Droids You're Looking For

You guys.

I had a whole real post I was working on. It wasn't a random assortment of thoughts with occasional puns thrown in--I had notes! And time to ponder! And I was actually writing something kinda heartfelt that was making me think...

And then my computer started FUH-REAKING out. I started getting pop-ups like, "Stealth Intrusion! Infection detected in the background. Your computer is now being attacked by spyware and rogue software" and "Your PC activity is being monitored. Possibly spyware infection" and "ZOMG YOU'RE TOTALLY BEING HACKED RIGHT NOW BEEYOTCH!"

Best of all, the calls were coming from inside the house. It claimed to be "Vista AntiSpyware." A quick Google search revealed that this is a fake anti-malware scam, where they want you to "click here for an anti-viral scan." So while there isn't any program "IRC-Worm.DOS.Septic" trying to "exploit Windows security holes," what this shit does do is screw with your existing anti-viral software. So my hours-long McAfee scans were for naught, and cheerful green screens told me my computer was squeaky clean, even as more dire pop-ups sprouted, screaming "YOU'RE IN FOR IT NOW! VIRUSES! VIKINGS! ZOMBIES! YOU REALLY OUGHTA CLICK HERE, OR YOU'LL BE SORRRRYYYYY!"

More Googling (which took forever, because these stupid, tedious thing also throws dire pop-ups whenever you try to open a browser) led me to different versions of removal instructions. I tried McAfee's "stinger" first, which did zip, other than gleefully assure me that I was 100% clean! Yes, sirree! Nothing to see here SECURITY HOLE DETECTED BLOCK THIS ATTACK BY CLICKING HERE OR WE TAKE THE CHILD!

I found very clear instructions (complete with screenshots) here, which I'm including on the off off off chance that anyone with the same problem finds this blog. I'll let you know how it works (updated: seems to have fixed it!). (I will admit to a certain paranoid fear that maybe these "fixing" instructions were just another form of malware...they're all in it together! But I found this solution listed other places as well, so either it's the real thing or there's a vast conspiracy and we'd all best decide whether we're going to be Browncoats or Alliance.)

I know I can't take it personally, but I do. These pimply assholes sucked away the rest of my lovely Sunday afternoon. The post I was working on, luckily, was saved mid-draft, but I had to do all these scans and figure out how to manually search and destroy this thing (the success of which has yet to be determined, by the way, as I'm typing this on MOTH's computer while mine is being exorcised) and I snapped at Tankbaby when he kept mashing on the keys and...pleh. Anyway, all this to say that you're not getting my sincere, heartwarming post this evening. I guess you'll just have to wait. It's a shame, too. It came with a pony.






OK, fine. You can have the pony tonight.