Like an Enema, Time is Fleeting

OK, first? I can't believe I just typed that title.

I have I don't know how many few minutes here, so I'm just gonna spew stuff out until I come to an abrupt stop. I know, I know, such a departure from my normal well-thought-out, mannered entries.

We flew in to O'Hare one week ago today, and every day has involved long car trips and/or large gatherings, which is exactly as much fun as you can imagine it would be with a baby who is at the peak of separation anxiety. But for me, it's been lovely to see people--95% of whom I haven't seen since last year at this time--and weird to be seen as a mom now. You go through an identity shift when you first have a baby (duh), where for the first three months, when someone asks you if you have kids, you still start to answer "no," before you realize that, holy shit, yes you do! But then you get used to it and you and those around you begin to see "parent" as part of who you are. I hear that eventually that aspect gets integrated into your whole person; for me, I still see myself very clearly as "before" and "after" shots. It still feels short-term, possibly reversible. Like a new haircut. Not that I have any regrets about having a baby, just that it's hard for me to wrap my brain around something this huge, this life-transforming, this...forever thing. And while I flip back and forth between feeling totally natural and totally alien at this mama thing, I am also seeing myself now through other people's eyes and wondering what they see. You know, besides the giant rack.

So, the day before we left, MOTH and I got new phones. Fancy smartphones. Very possibly smarterthanmephones. We hadn't planned on going fancy, but when we signed our new contract, I was offered a new phone free, and the store had this buy-one-get-one sale, and we ended up getting two schmancy phones for free. I can haz interweb on my phone now! But my margin of error is still quite large on things as basic as, say, dialing, so I'm still learning how to work it. However, I have great hopes of blogging on the go, learning to take and post pictures and video, and generally amassing the technological skills of your average eight-year-old. In the meantime, however, I have been taking advantage of this hand-held treat to make notes for blog entries! (And a pox on those of you who would point out that, even before I got the fancy phone, I could have used something like, say, a pen and paper for the same purpose.) Here's what I've got so far:

On visiting my in-laws (who live in the NW corner of the state, in the middle of nowhere): "It's like Fargo, but without the accents and fugly hookers."

On my very sweet father-in-law's attempt to soothe a fractious Tankbaby during the loooong-ass car ride from the airport to their house: "Of course, because what else would you play an overstimulated, overtired baby to lull them to sleep but the opening song from Ragtime?"

On my own frustration after Tankbaby came down with yet another cold and thus yet another Crummy-Five-Interrupted-Hours-Of-Sleep-Followed-By-Three-Hours-Of-Fussing night, during which MOTH moved to the other room (later I found out that he moved because he was tossing and turning and afraid that he was making things with Tank worse, but at 4 AM, I just thought he'd left me alone with Hellbaby without saying a word, and so of course I lay there for two hours plotting our divorce followed by his slow, painful death by being pinched repeatedly by baby fingernails): "I realize that I'm not mad at MOTH, but I can't be mad at who I'm really mad at: the asshole in the diaper."

And, as a bonus for her fans, I give you my sister:

We had some family friends (Ed and Carol, a couple that have been friends with my dad since high school and their kids) over on Saturday night and played a board game. We divided into teams with the "kids" (who are all now over 30) versus the "old people." When my sister was assigning game pieces to the teams, she offered the parents team a black piece, "because you're all closer to death." When Carol literally tackled her from across the game board, my sister relented: "OK, OK, just kidding! You can be white." As Carol resumed her seat, my sister muttered, "Just like the light into which you'll be heading soon."


But enough about me. How have you all been? I have been learning to use Fancypantsphone to surf the web, but haven't yet had enough time/hands to comment on blogs, but rest assured that I'm stalking you all, quietly.