2010: Where's My Damn Flying Car?

Well, hi. So much for upping my blogging game in December, huh? To be fair, part of the problem was that I spent the last two weeks of it traveling and holding a baby who decided to meet his 9-month milestone of Increased Stranger Anxiety Oh Dear God If I'm Not Being Held By Mom It Is As If My Eyes Are Being Plucked Out By Seagulls (I'm pretty sure that's totally what it's called in the Dr. Sears books.) And while yes, my fancyphone has interweb capability, I do not yet possess the skillz to type on it with any accuracy/speed while simultaneously trying to keep Tankbaby's My First Talons from plucking and pinching at my, ahem, decolletage. This is his new game while nursing, and I am not a fan. My boobs and sternum are now covered with yellow bruises, as if I'm the victim of a tiny, tiny domestic violence offender.

The always excellent Sundry has recently posted her traditional New Year's quizmemething, and, while I generally don't get into these things, I do totally get into a ready-made blog entry (perhaps for Christmas I should have asked for a work ethic). So, while I make my grandiose plans for the pithy and lengthy blog entries I will inevitably write about our holiday travels, for now I offer you this:

1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?

1. Had a baby.
2. Started a blog.
3. Made my own chicken soup from scratch.
4. Went nine months without ever sleeping more than four hours in a row (see #1).

A very impressive list, no? Actually, there are lots more things that I could list, all related to that baby-having thing, but they'd include things like Eliminated Personal Waste In Front Of Strangers and Lost All Sense of Breasts As Anything Other Than Fleshy Oberweiss Spouts, so let's move on, shall we?


2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I cleverly avoided failure in this area by not making any resolutions last year. Although, looking back, I realize that I should have resolved for 2009 to lose weight. Seeing as how I was eight months pregnant in January 2009, that would have been an easy win as soon as I gave birth. Shoot.

For this year, I sort of shudder to call them resolutions, but my brain keeps popping up the following:

• Be kinder to myself, but less self-indulgent (that second part shouldn't be too hard, considering that by the end of 2010 I'll have a toddler on my hands. I hear they are the next best thing to nunneries if you're trying to avoid decadence).
• Quit building resentment. I struggle so much with this, and it does no-one any good, so I'd really like to work on developing a tough-love "either take action or shaddup about it" attitude with myself. Curiously, I have no problem applying this edict to others...
• Get back into a regular exercise habit. I know, I know, this one is so cliche it's lame, but other than walking the dog, I haven't had a regular exercise routine all year, unless you count breastfeeding. Which is great for the scale, but not doing a whole lot for things like, say, my cardiovascular health. I used to be pretty religious about doing something 3-4 times/week, and should really get back into that routine in some way. You know what they say: MILFs are made, not born. Or...something.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Well, I did. Does that count? Also, my friend A, who hadn't told me she was pregnant yet when I ran into her at what turned out to be our midwife's office. Her daughter is one month and one day older than Tankbaby. And about ten pounds lighter. Hee.

Plus, my cousin's wife, my friend Jason's wife, and my cousin (a different one).

Oh, and Kourtney Kardashian. (Seriously, folks, should we just get DHS on the speed dial now?)

4. Did anyone close to you die?

No, thank God, but one of my dearest friends had a miscarriage in January and it affected me more deeply than I could have imagined (happy ending: she is now pregnant!).

5. What countries did you visit?

Yeah. Look, between the baby and the economy, we're lucky I got to visit another state, and that didn't even happen until December.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?

A full night's sleep.

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

Well, this is awfully "duh," but Tankbaby's birthday is March 8th.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Huh. Have you guys noticed that this quiz is a little weighted in one area? I guess it'd be too obvious to point out that I birthed myself a whole human, basically with the birth plan I'd wanted, and learned to breastfeed, and haven't dropped him yet...

Well, heck, I finished NaBloPoMo!

Aaannd...huh. Hard to surpass Creating Human Life From Scratch. Although, I think I should also give a nod to just learning to live everyday life with a high-needs infant. Things like dyeing my hair, going to work, cleaning the bathroom...each of these have often felt like tremendous successes in the moment.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Wow. What does it say that I have quite a list in my head going on here? I'm going to follow my own resolution about being kinder to myself and take off all parenting-related things from that list. I'm a new, sleep-deprived mom who has a wealth of professional knowledge that translates into a constant voice telling me that I should know better, should do better. I certainly had moments of being so frustrated and overwhelmed and losing it, to the point of needing to throw things, but I never once a) threw the baby, b) threw things at my husband, or c) threw the baby at my husband, so I'm gonna call this good.

I am, however, bothered by how my efforts at being a good mom sometimes meant that I failed at being a good wife, a good friend, or a good teacher. I hope that in the next year, I learn more balance.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Other than pushing-human-out-the-coochie-related owies, I've done remarkably well. The year's first cold hit me in early December. No dreaded swine flu, despite the best efforts of my little petri dishes at school.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Well, the fancyphone springs to mind, because it's new and shiny and sitting right here, and because, once that rebate comes through, it was free. I think, however, the best money I spent in 2009 was actually spent in late 2008, on the Hypnobirthing classes we took. We certainly got our money's worth in 2009, and I credit the classes and our wonderful teacher with the fact that Chicken Little old me did not have any panic during the entire 24-hour birthing experience. That was my greatest fear (fear itself, ahem), and the fact that I remained calm and (relatively) in control throughout the labor is money well spent.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Imma shout-out to all my bitches. The single ladies (all the single ladies) who were beyond tolerant about my baby-blathering and used their unfettered status to do things like pick up prescriptions and take my dog to the park during those early, bleary days...the fellow new moms who shared and overshared all the details of pregnancy, birth, and new babyhood and made me remember I wasn't alone...the seasoned moms who offered perspective and wisdom when I wished my own mom could have been here....I was (cliche alert) truly blessed to have all these women in my life.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

It seems to easy to go with celebrity jokes around Sarah Palin, Kanye West, or Tiger Woods, so I'm going to answer this sadly and honestly and say the behavior of some of the families I work with. Of course, other families could easily be the answer to question 12 as well.


14. Where did most of your money go?

Bills and daily expenses. We went down to one income, plus I had some unpaid maternity leave (sigh), so we were definitely belt-tightening around here.


15. What did you get really excited about?

I suppose it's a cop-out to go with the baby again, but let me just say that when you work in special ed, every typical milestone met is a reassurance.

What else? My friend's pregnancy. My other friend's idea for a family-friendly theater company. Writing again. Making my dad a grandpa. Helping my sister plan her wedding. And, um, Glee. What? It's awesome.

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?

Songs I sing to Tankbaby: "Rocky Raccoon" by the Beatles, "Space Oddity" by David Bowie...and the entire Forgotten Arm album by Aimee Mann. You know, just your standard lullabies.


17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

-happier or sadder? Both. (Cop out, I know, but really...of course I'm happier in that my life has totally changed to include this chunky baby of awesomeness, but also? Life is a lot harder and more complicated and I find myself reminiscing fondly of the simple potential of last year at this time, when all was ripe and giddy and just easier.)
-thinner or fatter? Thinner. Because I was EIGHT ZILLION MONTHS PREGNANT last January.
-richer or poorer? Definitely poorer.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

I wish I'd started blogging earlier. I wish I'd written more about the early days of motherhood, because I will never experience those for the first time again. I wish I'd taken more deep breaths and asked for help more often.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Worrying. About EVERYTHING. Jeez-us, it's a wonder I got anything else done. Oh, wait....

20. How did you spend Christmas?

At my mom's cousin's house with that whole side of the family, most of whom had never met Tankbaby. There were new babies, new spouses, and a whole lotta desserts. Good times.

21. Did you fall in love in 2009?

Yes, with my baby. Also with Cameron and Mitchell on Modern Family. Probably more so with the baby, but it's too close to call.


22. What was your favorite TV program?

Well, we don't have cable, we don't do Netflix, and I mostly only got to watch any TV in the last few months when Tankbaby finally started napping. So, knowing that my choices are limited to what I can see on network websites or Hulu, I will direct your attention to the previously-referenced Glee and Modern Family. But I'm also crossing my legs like an elderly daschund waiting for the return of Friday Night Lights to NBC.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

Nope.

24. What was the best book you read?

During the wee hours of the morning, back when night nursing meant sitting up in bed for 45-60 minutes at a time every 2-3 hours, I read the Jasper Fforde Thursday Next series and enjoyed it tremendously. I also reread Ayun Halliday's The Big Rumpus and Anne Lamott's Operating Instructions a few times, both of which helped me feel like less of a crazy person. Lamott's book, especially, should be required reading for new moms.


25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Please see above notes regarding a) poverty and b) baby. No new music for me this year, really, although I will say that dancing around the kitchen with the babe, I rediscovered just how wonderful Paul Simon's Graceland is.

26. What did you want and get?

A healthy baby (booo-ring!)
To keep my job (which was looking iffy during budgeting time...which fell smack dab in the middle of my--unpaid--maternity leave)
A good haircut now that I've finally grown out the Great Bangs Experiment of Ought-Eight


27. What did you want and not get?

More visits with friends and family
That sense of peace and familial tranquility (not to mention the white, fluffy sheets 'n' duvet set) in all the Johnson & Johnson commercials that feature a new baby.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

Well, considering I saw exactly one movie this year (Extract, which I did enjoy), this is kind of no contest. Ooh! But I also finally saw Clue all the way through--I know, I know, but I'd only seen it in bits and pieces before--at a friend's house one night and it was awesome. Madeline Kahn and Tim Curry should be in every movie ever.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I saw Extract. My in-laws were in town, so we all had brunch, and then they watched the baby while MOTH and I saw a matinee, then joined them for dinner. I turned 34, as did 50 Cent, who I'm sure spent his day similarly.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

The ability to fly.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?

Well, being a fashion icon such as I am, my concept evolved from "Tablecloths with Sleeves" to "Shapeless but Functional" to "Fine, I Guess I'll Wear Non-Elastic Waistbands Again."

32. What kept you sane?

Yeah, that's assuming that I was so kept. I would say that's debatable.

Oddly enough, I think going back to work helped a lot. It gave me perspective to see what some of my kids and families struggle with on a daily basis. I got to talk to adults, but adults who study young kids and were therefore happy to ask/listen about Tankbaby. Perhaps most important for my mental health, I got to occasionally go to the bathroom without filing a flight plan.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

I suppose if I were cool I could list one of those sexy vampire kids. Well, I think it's always safe to go with Jon Stewart, right? Ooh, and Mike Rowe. You know, from Dirty Jobs? Funny, built, and willing to deal with the icks of life? Yeah...I'd knock him down and hit the ground first.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

Well, healthcare and economical woes aside, I am always amazed at how difficult it is to get and keep funding for special ed services for kids birth-five. News flash: if we don't fix it now, it's going to be your problem down the road.

35. Who did you miss?

My mom.

36. Who was the best new person you met?

I will skip the obvious, baby-related answer here and instead give a shout-out to my New Interwebz Friends that have been so wonderful about reading, commenting, and supporting me as I try out this little blogging adventure. When I'm charged with child neglect from spending all my time online, I will thank each of you.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.

When I was complaining to a friend about Tankbaby's fractiousness around month four, she told me about a time she was babysitting and the infant was just inconsolable and wouldn't eat or sleep or chill the hell out. My friend called her mom, who commiserated by saying, "You can't yell at a damn baby." Which is not, I suppose, technically true, but the point is, the baby? He doesn't care about how much he's inconveniencing/frustrating/worrying you, and nothing you do can make him care. All you can do is hold on sometimes. It's been humbling, and probably very good for me, to be part of a process where I have so little control.

Also? I recently discovered that I enjoy roasted squash.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

Terribly sappy, but I've been singing Tankbaby this lullaby that my mom used to sing to me. It's a John Denver song that Peter, Paul and Mary performed called "For Baby (for Bobby)":

I'll walk in the rain by your side,
I'll cling to the warmth of your tiny hand,
I'll do anything to help you understand
I love you more than anybody can.



Wow. This damn entry has taken me three days to write, and I pretty much just put "the baby" in for every answer. And now I'm off to check in with my fabulous bloggy friends, sorely neglected these last few weeks. Happy 2010, everyone...