Do you think, if I posted as my Facebook status: "is tired of passive-aggressive Facebook status updates," people would get the irony?
Hey, you guys? Merging from the on-ramp? I know it's hard to tell, what with the MILLIONS OF RED BRAKE LIGHTS and the fact that THIS HAPPENS EVERY DAY AT THIS TIME, but there are an awful lot of cars right in front of me. I actually can't go very far ahead. I'm not purposefully keeping you back from your obviously very important organ donation appointment just to be a jerk. You still want to zoom past me on the shoulder, just to cut in thisclose to the front of my car and then slam on the brakes? Fine, but I'm gonna assume you all have small penises. Especially the women.
I went to my car after work today and saw a large dent and scrape on the back passenger door. My heart dropped, because I just had the whole back end of my car repaired back in May after I was rear-ended (note to self: if you are going to be rear ended by a giant RamThunderEgostroker truck, do not drive a prissy little hybrid made of crepes and fairy dust. You will get smashed to bits, while the truck rolls away without a scratch, picking your brake lights out of its teeth.) and I couldn't believe someone had hit my car and driven away and...wait, there's my car over there. Thank God. No, wait, that's not my license plate. Dammit! This is my car. God--no, wait that's not my license plate, either. Oh, there I am. Ah, Pacific Northwest, where any given parking lot has at least three blue Priuses (Prii? Prium? Where my Latin peeps at?) within a fifty-foot radius.
I had peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for two of my three meals today. I could do the same tomorrow and feel just fine about it.
I am part of an online discussion board for parents and teachers, and someone recently posted about the trouble she has getting her kids to get ready in the morning. She wrote, "I give her a choice between 2 -3 alphits and she usually gives me some resistence and then finally picks an alphit." Luckily for her, many, many wonderful people wrote in with suggestions, all of them avoiding using the word "outfit." I'm not sure I could have done so. "Alphits"? Is this a regionalism I'm just unaware of, or are you guys as baffled as I am?
(Also, by "you guys," I mean Submom and Jen. I have readers! You are them! Come in, come in, find a seat...anywhere. I can't wait for NaBloPoMo to be over, so that I can divide my limited blog time more equally between reading and commenting elsewhere and posting here.)
I spoke to a cheerful, helpful real live person on the phone today when I called my insurance company. I'm pretty sure that's one of the signs of the apocalypse.
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How did you manage to do this? You made me into this comment hog. And I really need to go to bed. YOU are the one with babies that don't sleep. not Me! My kids are asleep! WTF? Anyway...
ReplyDelete1. "is tired of passive-aggressive Facebook status updates" Can I please please steal this status update? Or have you patented it already? Or made it into a t-shirt?
2. Pacific West and Prius. (ES?) I am living in the wrong part of the country. Hold on. You mean, there are people that still drive trucks there?
3. LOL @ alphit. I was thinking: Aphids? Are they ants? Please tell me that is a parent and NOT a teacher. Please. Lie to me if you have to.
4. Amen to your sentiment towards NaBloPoMo. It took me 1.5 hour to read blogs that I follow and comment on them. Like you, I have a FT job... Well, you get it since I am commenting on yours at 2 am... I can't wait for it to be over. But seriously, who is holding a knife to my neck? Nobody... It's me.
5. Amen to the interpretation of the omen.
I hope you get to sleep tonight.
I never let my kid choose her alphits. Kids+choice=wrong.
ReplyDeleteLike Submom, can I steal your Facebook status update? Because that is TOO FUNNY!
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean about the Little-Penis Trucks vs the small cars. I have a small car, and sometimes I wish the Jedi Mind Force was real so that I could totally mind-squash the heads of the those drivers who think it's okay to ride my ass or cut me off. So not cool.
Alphits? For some reason, I thought it was short of Alphabet, like Alphabet Soup, and I was all like, wait a minute... why would she only give her kid a letter or two to eat? I'm sorry, call me a meanie, but I would HAVE to tell her she is using the wrong word.
I'm A SAHM... so it's somewhat easier for me to blog every day and keep up with reading my favorite blogs. I don't see how you wonderful mamas can work FT AND blog daily AND comment!! Much respect for you! But, I gotta say, I'm LOVIN' that my favorite blogs that have a new post every day!
LOL I'm sorry I'm a comment hog!!! But I really like your blog, and when I really like a blog, sometimes I get carried away!!
-Jen
Steal away! I'm too chicken to use that as an actual Facebook update, because I don't know if people would get it. Let me know how it goes and if you guys get good responses, maybe I'll use it for reals. :)
ReplyDeleteHi, Kitchen Witch! Welcome, welcome, make yourself at home. Coats in the bedroom.
The alphits? Yeah, I had the same thoughts. And while I think it's great that people managed to help her (and, yes, it was a parent, not a teacher) without embarrassing her, now she continues to think that ALPHITS IS A REAL WORD!