(last night)
9:37 PM: Baby is asleep. Blog is posted. Time to go to bed...early, even!
9:37:30 PM: Ooh, the last half an hour of Moulin Rouge! (I'm sorry, but if that "Roxanne" tango number doesn't give you the shivers, you have no soul.) OK, so I'll watch for a bit and then go to bed. It'll be fine. 10 PM is still early. Ish.
10:12 PM: OK, now to bed. Great. All primed for Ewan McGregor, color-saturated dreams. Excellent.
10:27 PM: Go to sleep. Go to sleep. You're finally here. Go to sleep.
10: 34 PM: Sleep. Sleeeeeeeeep. Sleepsleepsleepsleepsleepsleepsleepsleepsleepsleep SLEEPDAMMIT!
10:35 PM: Perhaps agitation isn't the best way to point myself toward dreamyland. Breathe. Relax. Smell the babyhead. Ahh...
12:55 AM: What? Shit. OK. Nurse. Where's Daddy? Home yet? Yes, in the kitchen. OK. He needs to stay there until you're done nursing and have gone back into a deep sleep. Stay, MOTH, staaaayyy.
2:31 AM: You can NOT be hungry again. You just nursed. Dammit. Fine. Have a boob. Be quick about it. Also, can I just move this arm? Because the nerves are--no? OK, then. It's my left one anyway. Not like I use it much.
3:01 AM: THE HELL? Fire? Flood? What is producing that siren? Oh, it's you, Tank. OK, lemme get the weasels that are clearly chewing on your face...hm. No weasels. Diaper scorpions again? What in the HELL is wrong? Here, have a boob.
3:02 AM: Ah, back to sl--
3:02:15 AM: Ouch. Not so much with the gentle releasing, there, huh? OK, no boob. No problem. Goodnight.
3:03 AM: Fine. Boob.
(Over the course of the next 45 minutes, boob is alternately accepted and rejected a dozen times. Withholding of boob leads to increasingly frantic cry, but boob apparently offers no comfort. Tankbaby repeatedly appears to go back to sleep, only to semi-wake five minutes later with moans, snurfling noises, and aimless flailing of arms. Finally, cuddle position #347 appears to work, and he quiets and stays quiet.)
4:04 AM: Seriously? GOD DAMN IT!!!
4:15 AM: Here. Sleep on my chest. Look. We're all cozy and warm and I've got you. Shhh.
4:25 AM: Oh, baby. You poor thing. All sniffly. Yeah, go ahead, rub your face against my chest. OK, get comfy. Go ahead. Go ahead. Come on. Settle down. Get comfy. Go for it. Just settle down. OK. Come onnnn....
4:27 AM: OW!! OWOWOWOWOWOW!!! Dude, headbutting is NOT COOL. Especially if you insist on headbutting me in the exact spot where you grabbed my lip UNTIL IT BLED earlier today.
4:52 AM: That's fine. You just keep flipping sides every seven minutes. I'll adjust. The good news is that, by now, I've given up on going back to sleep, so my expectations are mighty low.
4:55 AM: Not that I don't want to go back to sleep. But what if I do and he rolls off me and I roll onto him and somehow, despite the fact that he is the world's lightest sleeper and also a whole lot more than pea-sized, neither of us wake up until I smother him?
5:07 AM: Swell. Now both baby and husband are snoring. This is juuuuusst great. Smothering not sounding so bad now. For any of us.
5:30 AM: Wha? Did I just fall asleep? And then jerk awake for no reason? Terrific. Wait! He's asleep! Time to attempt the shift. Sweet Jesus, please oh please don't wake up don'twakeupdon'twakeup.
5:33 AM: Victory is mine! Ignore the light starting to come in from the window. It's still night.
5:40 AM: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.... (snoring)
6:30 AM: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.... (vibration setting on the cell phone, which is also the alarm)
6:31 AM: fuck.
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I found your blog from secretinnerlife! I can totally identify with this post. Right now, my little guy is going though his I-Refuse-To-Let-You-Sleep Phase, and I am walking around like a zombie with barely enough energy to scratch my ass. I keep telling myself that this too shall pass... but yet it hasn't passed. Still. After numerous weeks. Here's to a good night's sleep for the both of us!
ReplyDelete-Jen
Hi! Hi! If I had a tail, I'd wag it! Thanks so much for popping over. I just read your latest post and laughed and sighed and shook my fist at our collectively non-sleeping babies! You can see my comment over there, but for now, know that there's someone else out here, stumbling through the same "soul-death" way!
ReplyDeleteLOL! I know this might sound morbid, but I'm glad there is someone out there going though the same thing! Although I am indeed sorry you are going through it...
ReplyDeleteHere's to a full-night's sleep- even if it takes our babies a few years!
-Jen
Ladies, I totally need to join the conversation 'cause BTDT. BUT I can't really write a long, well thought out comment now. Why? Because I have to put my 6 yo to sleep by SLEEPING IN THE SAME BED with him. Almost 7 years and counting... (Didn't mean to scare you...)
ReplyDeleteDear Sleep-deprived moms, I am not sure whether anybody saying, I went through the exact same thing is going to help you at all when all you really need is a good 8-hour sleep. And I get how frustrating it is that when the baby finally falls asleep, you're either too worked up, too stressed, or plain too exhausted to fall asleep. Then of course, as soon as you do fall asleep, either the baby cries or the alarm goes off, or both. There is nothing I can do to help unless I am Sandman. Just want to give you both some moral support. Hang in there. Even on some days you don't think you are going to make it. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteSubmom, I think it always helps to have someone else say, "I know, I get it, I'm sorry."
ReplyDeleteAnd, actually? I'm scared to jinx it, but we've had two pretty good nights since I wrote that post.
Can you say, "tempting fate?"